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Aloha and Good Morning, Life happens, have you noticed?
Then it continues to happen, over and over again until, perhaps, we forget to
breathe. We tense up. We fall back on old emotional patterns that continually
fail to produce meaningful results. So, I'm trying an experiment; perhaps
you'll try it with me. I'm sure you've heard that we
create our own experience of reality through our conscious and
not-so-conscious perceptual patterns. The turmoil and happenstance of life
creates external events that trigger internal, habitual responses. These
responses begin as a chemical reaction inside our brain and follow the wide,
well-worn path of "that which always has been." What happens when we make a
conscious decision to step off the well-worn path and on to the straight and
narrow one, the road less traveled? We're talking about chemistry here...
It's powerful stuff. A certain set of chemicals stimulated in a certain way
will always produce the same result. What happens when we realize the
"same result" no longer serves? Especially when so many of our
response patterns are based upon emotions. And so many of our emotions are
based upon the problems we face daily. Especially when, obviously, the only petty problems are those belonging to someone else! There's
nothing petty about our problems because
they're ours and often earth shattering in
their intensity. And yet, perhaps this is one instance where we need not
argue over ownership, for while forward growth comes from owning up to our
part -- what need or meaningfulness can come from possessively self-identifying
with the process of problems? Let me say it another way, how
often do we feel slighted if our neighbor, our partner or parent isn't
sympathetic enough when we cry our woes upon their shoulder? If we are
clinging to our strife as a means of garnishing emotional support are we not
simply adding energy to our challenges and thus inviting more of them into
our life? This is, I believe, the danger of complaining. Complaining puts the
focus of our attention upon precisely that which we don't want more of.
Whatever we put our attention to is what we pull into our lives. Someone once said:
"Thoughts can be controlled, emotions just happen." Some emotions
are a direct result of what we are thinking in that moment. I like that kind.
However, it also seems that another set of emotions just happen, based as
they are upon an unconscious set of thoughts or circumstances, scripts that
run underneath consciousness, continually re-birthed in response to external
triggers. These emotions can be more challenging. They surface from beneath
conscious thought and therefore often respond sluggishly to conscious thought. So, what to do?
Hence, the experiment… I propose a simple five-step
thought process, taking only seconds, which serves to shift our focus from
the negative to the positive. This process does not deny our inner moment of
negativity and thus isn’t discounting on any level, rather it helps create a
different relationship to a current external stimulus. A different way of
relating to an external event will create a different set of internal
responses, done enough it will completely reprogram the "well-worn
path" and create a completely different automatic, habitual response
pattern; perhaps even one that serve us well. At the least it might create a
pattern that is closer to being fully meaningful and closer to the reaction
that creates the responses we are looking for in life. So, when you become aware that
you are feeling an emotion that doesn’t really help the situation: try this. First, take a deep breath. Then,
tell yourself a series of three truths designed to honor, acknowledge and
shift our feelings; finally, take another deep breath and smile. There. See,
I told you it was simple. 1) Take a Deep
Breath: Breath is life.
To breathe consciously is to become aware of your own joyful, divine
aliveness. Moreover, a deep, conscious breath literally stops time by
creating that delicious micro-second of stillness at the top and bottom of
each breath, a stillness that just is. That which "just is" flows
from truth and truth flows from the Divine. So it is in stillness that one
experiences God. It is in stillness that one embraces the Goddess within our
hearts. 2) Tell
yourself the truth about what you are feeling: All of our
feelings are real, valid and important. It is vital to acknowledge and listen
to the story our emotions tell. I believe emotions are a pre-verbal language
with a vast wisdom to share if we have "ears to hear." Suppressing
an emotion, even when it occurs in an inappropriate circumstance simply
insures that it will return later having grown bigger, meaner, stinkier and
with more hair. It's like putting bacteria someplace warm and moist. A fine
thing to do, if you want lots and lots more bacteria! So rather than suppressing, tell
the truth of your feeling, but without embellishment. "I feel sad right
now," or "I feel angry." In that micro-moment of sharing
within yourself the wholeness, the truth of what you're feeling try to fully
experience your sadness or your anger, your loneliness or your depression. To
do so is to acknowledge; to acknowledge can lead to deeper inner-awareness,
deeper inner listening and acceptance. 3)
Tell yourself the truth (because it absolutely is true) that it is okay to feel whatever
you are feeling. "I feel
angry." "It's okay
that I feel angry, it's a normal, natural feeling and it is telling me its
own little story. I realize that my anger hides a deeper emotion that I find
more personally threatening." There are no emotions, none, not
even lust or rage, that are not okay, that are not fully normal, fully human,
fully a part of our life processes. Each human emotion has its place and its
purpose. Some emotions, if acted upon, fail to produce meaningful results in
our life, but that doesn’t mean they are meaningless emotions. Never shun,
always embrace. To shun is to deny, to deny is to discount and no one wants
to feel discounted, so why do this to ourselves? Acknowledgement isn't the
same as blanket permission to run roughshod over yourself or others.
Acknowledge assuages; denial recreates. Acknowledgment helps restore balance
because the part of your soul that created the emotions has been listened to
rather than ignored. 4) Tell
yourself another related truth, one which has no negative associations. The "And Yet" step. "I feel
angry." "It's okay
that I feel angry, it's a normal, natural feeling and it is telling me its
own little story, if I but seek a little deeper." "And yet, I
love that I’m not yelling, stomping or breaking crockery; in fact, I love
myself. I love the way my writing occasionally touches a deep place in
another’s heart or in my own." The tiny truth we utter to the
wind doesn’t have to be earth shattering: it can be exaggerated, even
humorous. It can be nearly anything – provided that the thought is genuine,
provided that the words are true. Of course, if, in the grips of that moment,
you can pull out an earth shattering truth then go for it! Truth is an interesting thing.
All truth resonates in harmony with the vibration of the Most High, with the
vibration of the Divine. Truth transcends the artificial boundaries of
duality, the lines we make real in our imagination. The alchemy of truth embraces
our emotions, transcends them and shifts them into the higher vibrations that
create meaningful movement in our lives. Truth isn’t about trashing our
negative shadows and forcing them to become something other than what they
are. If we reject the half isn’t the whole lost along with it? Without the
darkness of the night sky, how would we see the beauty and grace of the moon
and the stars? Yet, to self-identify with the chemistry of negativity
sometimes stops our movement and thus our growth. Even this is okay if that’s
were we need to be for a time. Still, whenever we’re ready, this step serves
to shift our focus from the original feeling to a feeling of resonance
produced by different external stimuli. In the example above, it shifts our
focus from anger to love. 5) Take another
Deep Breath and Smile. Another breath,
another invitation to experience stillness. Then the clincher: a smile. We
smile when we are happy. We smile when we are enjoying something. One could
argue that smiling is an external response to a set of internal stimuli. The
cool thing is that we've all done quite a good deal of smiling; so much so,
in fact, that now the process works equally well backwards. Smile and you
actually stimulate the brain the same way that the brain is stimulated by
happiness and enjoyment. Remember, the brain doesn't see anything, nor does
it hear or feel. The brain is only capable of responding to chemical messages
sent to it. Smiling always sends the brain a certain, really cool, chemical
message. I have found that by following
this simple little series, I can shift my focus, which shifts my awareness,
which shifts my thoughts, which then creates a different feeling in my body.
It helps me pass through the story of my emotions. Sometimes, I've had to
repeat it a few times, focusing more fully each time to that sublime, if
fleeting feeling of stillness and peace. But if the alternative is to stay
stuck in my anger or depression I'll gladly carry a silly grin in my pocket
and babble truths to myself all the day long! I can't go wrong and neither
can you! I wish you all a day full of
truth, acknowledgment, acceptance and love. And, of course, I wish you a day
full of smiles. This is a heart full of aloha. Holman |
